Change Is Growth – “Change can be instantaneous – growth is slow. Change can be a one-time event – growth is a gradual process. Change can be accomplished with a single decision – growth requires consistent motivation and learning. change.”― Daniel Burnock
I recently found myself using the words “change” and “growth” interchangeably in my speech when discussing my journey over the past year.
Change Is Growth
Unfortunately, the failure to grasp the nuances between change and growth came at a price. It cost me peace of mind because it created an internal conflict.
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A battle caused by the desire to answer the question: “What signs change?” Is the change marked by crossing the start line or crossing the finish line? Is change an in-between process?
“My initial thought was NO! Nevertheless, in the rest of the chapter she builds an argument, trying to convince the reader that it is quite possible for people to do their best.
However, mentally, I couldn’t fully accept the idea, and I didn’t know why. However, after reading Burnock’s quote, I realized that my lack of understanding of growth and change was actually the source of my skepticism.
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I did not allow myself to be less than perfect in the areas where I grew up. As a result, I did not show myself grace. Also, I couldn’t get over the fact that people were doing their best. However, I have come to realize that there are three parts to the process.
“…we…solemnly publish and declare that these United Colonies are and rightly ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are freed from all allegiance to the British Crown…”
These colonial renegades dared to push for change. Yet despite the boldness of the Declaration of Independence, Britain’s King George III initially thought little of it.
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Taking it as a bluff. An empty threat. Ex-prisoners and non-monarchists could not be foolish enough to defy the crown.
Typically, the short-term reaction to change is shock/disbelief. In the classic Hollywood film Carlito’s Way, Carlito Brigante, a former high-ranking Puerto Rican drug trafficker, vows to leave immediately upon his release.
Unfortunately, his criminal past is more difficult to escape. Carlito declares his independence many times throughout the film. Confirming that he is out of the drug game. He declared that he had finished his criminal activities.
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But the shock of the fact that a famous criminal is going crazy seemed unreal, so no one took him seriously. From his friends to the judge and his lawyer sworn to defend him, they all doubted his sincerity.
On a macro level, it’s understandable why no one believed Carlito. The odds were against him. Most people don’t change. The Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that 77 percent of inmates are rearrested within five years of their release.
I would say that this statistic is similar for recidivists in civil cases that occur in our personal lives. From our relationships to our careers, everything we have to go through between the decision to change and the transformation is not easy. So unfortunately, most people who start don’t finish.
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Because so many people seek change but never grow or transform, it’s important to understand that people will doubt your sincerity. They will automatically go into protection mode.
Don’t take it personally, give people time to get used to the new version of you. It’s not easy. But the only way I know that works is to forgive yourself first.
And one of my favorite moments is episode 5 when Rafiq comes to visit Ronnie after not showing up at the Center one day. Ronnie, who killed an innocent 16-year-old boy, bears the burden of his fatal act.
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“Your feeling is condemned. Or maybe you judge yourself. When I was convicted of murdering that girl. There was no hell in prison. Damn it, up there (pointing to his head). When I got fired, it didn’t matter what people thought. What mattered was what I thought of myself… Besides, one of the women was telling me off because she thought you were cute.
Condemnation is hard to deal with unless you have forgiven yourself. It is clear that Ronnie perceives everything through the prism of his guilt. So much so that he mistook an interested woman for a woman who only saw him as a murderer. In addition, self-forgiveness is an important component of the transformation process.
“If people refuse to see you in a new light and only see you for what you were, only for the mistakes you made, if they don’t realize that you are not your mistakes, then they leave.” — Steve Maraboli
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Unfortunately, some people will never admit that you have changed. No matter how many times you show that you have good intentions and have grown up. It is very important for these people that you turn them off.
Part of Carlito’s problem was that his friend refused to accept who he was trying to become. Replace the people who discourage you with the people who will encourage you and hold you accountable for the change statement.
When the shock that initially accompanies audacity wears off, it is often replaced by rage. Therefore, it is very important to start preparing to fight for your freedom as soon as you declare your independence. The enemy in the US case, the Crown, will not give you freedom without a fight.
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The revolutionary had to deserve it. Their desire for change was to be tested. Many people give up when a test comes. When it’s time to be on top, they drop. Returning to our former selves as British citizens rather than firmly asserting our American identity.
On the other hand, the growth process is complex. In addition to external battles, you will be fighting battles within yourself. Here are some things to keep in mind.
Many clichés sound good when expressed verbally. Representing an aura of wisdom and understanding. Demonstration of education based on morals and principles.
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But, as another famous cliché says, all that glitters is not gold. In other words, not everything that sounds good is based on truth. However, many of these old sayings, which have survived for several generations, remain unverified. Rarely are the claims they make verified and verified.
Because it grossly underestimates the gap between knowledge and action. In a sense, growth is assumed to be linear.
In reality, growth often feels like an endless cycle of 1 step forward and 3 steps back before the ultimate breakthrough. Knowledge is enough to ignite the desire to change. But work needs growth. It requires a slow incremental process filled with trial and error based on your own experience or the experience of another person.
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I remember last year when I made the decision to be more vulnerable, I knew what that meant, but I didn’t know how to show vulnerability when needed. In order to do, you need more than just knowledge. It also requires courage, vulnerability and discipline.
You have the right to tell your story (transformation) The power of stories: “The highest human action is to inspire.” – Nipsey Hussle
Inspiration comes through storytelling. And the most impressive stories we encounter are stories of personal triumph or defeat. But what makes one story more compelling than another when all our stories are inherently valuable.
Growth Is Painful. Change Is Painful. But Nothing Is As Painful As Staying Stuck Somewhere You Don’t Belong.” Mandy Hale
Is it a messenger? Relive the experience? For example, overcoming a near-death incident, sexual assault, homelessness, or another one of life’s most painful tragedies. They, of course, seem more interesting. What I discovered, however, replaces the story of great struggle and pain with a story that is real and real.
One of the stories/people that has played a significant role in my journey over the past year has been Brené Brown. On the Design Matters podcast, she shared the story of how she failed to make the dance team in high school.
At first glance, this may not seem like a big deal when you consider everything going on in our world today. But it wasn’t the story itself that touched me, but the vulnerability displayed during the publication.
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Detailing her feelings of shame, helplessness, and exclusion when she didn’t make the team. It made me think about times when I too have experienced the same emotions. The best stories don’t evoke sympathy
Transformation requires ownership of its history. And having it is not synonymous with understanding or knowledge. Knowing your history is knowing your experience. In Brené’s case, recalling that she didn’t make the dance team in high school.
Understanding is connecting the dots in your life and understanding how unhealed trauma can play a role in how you approach life. Meaning, since she didn’t make the dance team, she never tried out/auditioned for anything again.
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Ownership requires uncovering a part of your story hidden in shame. She thought her parents were embarrassed because in high school her father was the captain of the football team and her mother was the captain of her track team.
It seemed to her that she no longer belonged to her family. The influence of her story comes from
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