Crazy Women Quotes

Crazy Women Quotes – Read this entire collection of funny inspirational quotes and sayings to help you find humor in everyday moments.

Humor is a big part of life and these quotes will help you share that humor with those around you.

Crazy Women Quotes

Ideally, they will help you laugh at the pain, laugh at the struggles, and laugh at the elephants in the room.

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If you like this collection of quotes, read our most popular article on short inspirational quotes for daily motivation.

1. “I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

3. “I consider television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go to another room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

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If you like these quotes, be sure to read our collection of quotes about the power of reading from your favorite authors.

4. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is certain.” – Mark Twain

5. “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up somewhere else.” – Yogi Berra

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6. “There never was such a lovely child, but his mother was glad to put him to sleep.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

7. “It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because I was already too famous.” —Robert Benchley

10. “Don’t worry that the world is ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

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And if you need motivation to stay on track, be sure to check out our collection of quotes about hustle and bustle.

13. “Whenever I hear someone sigh, Life is hard, I’m always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

14. “The elevator to success doesn’t work. You have to take the stairs…one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

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15. “The brain is a beautiful organ; it starts working as soon as you get up in the morning and doesn’t stop until you get to the office.” -Robert Frost

16. “We don’t stop playing because we get old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

17. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up.” – Mark Twain

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19. “The moment you settle for less than you deserve, you will get even less than you bargained for.” — Maureen Dowd

20. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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23. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you feel the warm feeling it gives.” -Robert Bloch

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24. “If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in the dark with a mosquito.” -Betty Reese

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27. “When you don’t know what you’re doing and what you’re doing is the best – that’s inspiration.” – Robert Bresson

28. “My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve eaten two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

30. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” -Benjamin Franklin

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32. “Most people miss an opportunity because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work.” -Thomas Edison

33. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to do it with a club.” – Jack London

34. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in shoes. You can steer in any direction you choose. You are alone. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one to decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

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35. “There is no secret to success. Have you ever known a successful man who didn’t tell you?” – Kin Hubbard

37. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

40. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Not even bathing; that’s why we recommend it every day.” – Zig Ziglar

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41. “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” – Marie Osmond

42. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty.” Empty what is full. Itch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

43. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After a few years he can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

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44. “You have to learn from other people’s mistakes. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

45. “It is difficult to take honest criticism, especially from relatives, friends, acquaintances or strangers.” -Franklin P. Jones

46. ​​”You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen

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49. “Always let your words be gentle and sweet, in case you have to eat them.” -Andy Rooney

51. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

52. “I like being married. It’s so great to find that special someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

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53. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want money?’ is it a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’ll get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck

54. “Never follow someone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then definitely follow that path.” (Ellen Degeneres).

56. “You know you’re middle-aged when your doctor warns you to slow down, instead of the police.” – Joan Rivers

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57. “The truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bike without a seat, but it hurts.” – Lt. Frank Drebin

59. “The only thing that separates us from animals is our ability to add.” – Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias

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60. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them” (Phyllis Diller).

65. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” – Sam Levenson

69. “Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of rats.” —Harry Emerson Fosdick

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73. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answer I accept.” -George Carlin

If you like these quotes, be sure to read our collection of quotes by legendary comedian George Carlin.

76. “To succeed in life you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire

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77. “You grow up the day you really laugh for the first time – at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore

78. “The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it’s not open.” – Frank Zappa

81. “I was never very angry, except on occasions when my heart was touched.” -Edgar Allan Poe

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82. “Think left and right and think low and think high. Oh, the thoughts you can think if you only try!” – Dr. Seuss

84. “If you faithfully work eight hours a day, you can end up being the boss and working twelve hours a day.” -Robert Frost

86. “Here’s a test to find out if your mission on earth is complete – If you’re alive, it’s not.” – Richard Bach

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87. “We are all here on earth to help others; why the others are here I do not know.” – W. H. Auden

89. “Optimist: someone who believes that taking a step back after a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” -Robert Brault

90. “Even if you’re on the right road, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

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91. “Better to keep silent and be considered a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” -Abraham Lincoln

92. “Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

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95. “The world is full of magical things waiting patiently for our wits to be sharpened.” – Bertrand Russell

96. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who care don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Bernard Baruch

97. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” -Bill Watterson

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98. “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will.”

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